Took the scenic route to the park for cell yesterday.
Was in the mood for some phototaking.
Ended up dropping one stop before liz's house,
which is the usual stop I'd alight at,
just so I would walk past THE place.

I didn't really do it on purpose.
Before I realised it, I was already off the bus.
It might be something to do with the fact that I was surrounded by poly couples throughout the entire time I was standing.
Then when I finally got a seat, who else would come and sit next to me but yet ANOTHER couple.
Okay it's more like the girl sat next to me and her boyfriend was standing next to her, but whatever.
It's just that watching them reminded me of what we used to do.
That sense of nostalgia.

Funny how it's been months
but still the weirdest things happen.
I can wake up with tears flooding my pillow
then I'd know I must have been dreaming of you again.

A thousand words couldn't bring you back,
I know because I've tried.
Neither could a thousand tears,
I know because I've cried.
You left behind a broken heart and happy memories too.
But I never wanted memories, I only wanted you.

And even after all that you have done.

What if I said you never mattered
that I never lost a moment of sleep
what if I crushed all of your dreams
and broke all the promises you swore to keep?
Just like what you did.
But then I'd be the bitch, adverse to the bastard that you are now.

Sometimes I wish I were little again.
Skinned knees are easier to heal then broken hearts.
I know for a fact that I have a heart,
because I can feel it breaking.

I only wish I could say the same for you.

Crashed on the floor when I moved in
This little bunk alone with some strange new friends
Stay up too late, and I'm too thin
We promised each other it's til the end
Now we're spinning empty bottles
It's the five of us
With pretty eyed boys girls die to trust
I can't resist the day
No, I can't resist the day

Jenny screams out and it's no pose
'Cause when she dances she goes and goes
Beer through the nose on an inside joke
I'm so excited, I haven't spoken
And she's so pretty, and she's so sure
Maybe I'm more clever than a girl like her
The summer's all in bloom
The summer is ending soon

It's alright and it's nice not to be so alone
But I hold on to your secrets in white houses

Maybe I'm a little bit over my head
I come undone at the things he said
And he's so funny in his bright red shirt
We were all in love and we all got hurt
I sneak into his car's black leather seat
The smell of gasoline in the summer heat
Boy, we're going way too fast
It's all too sweet to last

It's alright
And I put myself in his hands
But I hold on to your secrets in white houses
Love, or something ignites in my veins
And I pray it never fades in white houses

My first time, hard to explain
Rush of blood, oh, and a little bit of pain
On a cloudy day, it's more common than you think
He's my first mistake

Maybe you were all faster than me
We gave each other up so easily
These silly little wounds will never mend
I feel so far from where I've been
So I go, and I will not be back here again
I'm gone as the day is fading on white houses
I lie, put my injuries all in the dust
In my heart is the five of us
In white houses

And you, maybe you'll remember me
What I gave is yours to keep
In white houses

Ninny came to school for lunch with 2M01 today.
I'm not part of the class, just kind of integrated in, but i went anyway.
Thank goodness someone else had enough sense to stay far away.
Went off to do who knows what for 3 whole hours
while we humans feasted at the holy table,
at which beasts and maggots are not invited.
Either he'd be shot with lasers from ninny's eyes,
skinned alive by minny,
or else just murdered by yvonne's bare hands.
Me, on the other hand, i can't be bothered with that pathetic lump of living meat anymore.
The class was laughing over him getting only 20 plus upon 100 over some test.
Even the Ah Beng whose sole mission in life is to bed as many girls as he can got 37/100.
Regarding that, I had no comments.

However, when the conversation suddenly drifted to him over at my end of the table,
a magnificent anger took hold of me and i spat with vicious rage. (sounds familiar?)
Ben was awed by my wrath and felt the full force of my fury.
When minny asked if he could feel the terrible waves i was emanating,
all he could do was give a tiny nod in fear.
That was rather funny.
In a ominous way.

I guess i live up to my reputation of being a terrible sight to behold when i am really truly angry.
I might still be sad when i see him or my thoughts wander
especially now that there are so many couples within the class
but as long as someone even mentions him
I flare up like alcohol on a flame.

You think that by twisting your words,
you'll make it seem like you're the one who was treated badly?
You think by justifying what you did,
you'll make all your wrong actions right?
I admit, sometimes it was my fault,
but in the end the person who destroyed what hope left there was for us to make it was YOU.
I'm so sick of the way you're always trying to play the victim.
If it's a war of words you want, bring it on.
I'll be only too happy to comply.
Against what i have to say to you,
you won't even last a second.
Just you try.

According to karma
What comes around, goes back around
I can't wait for the day when you fall flat on your face in the dirt.
Get a taste of your own shit.
Right back in your face, you asshole.

Indeed, hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.

Seems like just yesterday
You were a part of me
I used to stand so tall
I used to be so strong
Your arms around me tight
Everything, it felt so right
Unbreakable, like nothing could go wrong
Now I can't breathe
No, I can't sleep
I'm barely hanging on

Here I am, once again
I'm torn into pieces
Can't deny it, can't pretend
Just thought you were the one
Broken up, deep inside
But you won't get to see the tears I cry
Behind these hazel eyes

I told you everything
Opened up and let you in
You made me feel alright
For once in my life
Now all that's left of me
Is what I pretend to be
So together, but so broken up inside
'Cause I can't breathe
No, I can't sleep
I'm barely hangin' on

Here I am, once again
I'm torn into pieces
Can't deny it, can't pretend
Just thought you were the one
Broken up, deep inside
But you won't get to see the tears I cry
Behind these hazel eyes

Swallow me then spit me out
For hating you, I blame myself
Seeing you it kills me now
No, I don't cry on the outside
Anymore...

Here I am, once again
I'm torn into pieces
Can't deny it, can't pretend
Just thought you were the one
Broken up, deep inside
But you won't get to see the tears I cry
Behind these hazel eyes

Standing on the edge

Tired.. so tired.
But somehow sleep just keeps evading me.
Drifting in and out of slumber.
Even when I'm only half asleep, somehow you still invade my thoughts.
I don't want to fall asleep because of the haunting dreams I'll have.
Then again, I wonder if the reason for all those dreams is really because of myself.
Maybe I want to think of this, maybe I don't.
Maybe I'm resigned to the fact that my mind is too tired of trying to overcome my heart.
I know I'm getting too tired to resist it all.
I'd rather just let it all hit me,
a nostalgic serenade.

Numb, cold, distant.. I'm so many things these days.
The constant ache deep down.
Being torn up into so many pieces.
I'm on my knees, begging for someone to help me.
But really, I'm on my own.

What is there to stop me wishing my own demise.
The end of my dark tunnel.
Sweet escape, all within reach of my blade.
Temptation beckons.
Do i heed it's call?


These wounds won't seem to heal,
this pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase.