Living in circles
Sometimes I wonder if all this is real.
I don't know if our minds are playing tricks on all of us.
Maybe you think I'm someone else.
Or maybe I think you're something you're not.
I'm not talking about anything in particular,
just some games that people in general play.
The mind is sensible
but the heart is fragile.
Yet we are easily persuaded by it.
Our cravings, needs, wants, deepest desires..
are all dangerous liaisons that stem from the heart.
There are many times when I think I was better off as the old me.
Aloof, cut off from the rest of the world, emotionless.
Cold like the deepest winter frost.
But then I went and opened up myself.
Found people whom I am really glad to have in my life now.
Learned what it is to laugh and truly be happy instead of just turning up the corners of my mouth in an attempt to be more polite when needed.
Probably ended up being a little too naive.
Gave too much, too soon, got in too deep.
Too innocent, too trusting, too plain stupid.
In the end, it's really hard not to jump back to my old conclusion.
Well, rest assured I won't be making the same mistake again.
I can almost hear you saying 'Good for you.'
Indeed, good for me.
And I have you to thank for that.
I don't know if I can trust the same way again because ultimately,
I won't know if I will be let down again.
Maybe it's just a defense mechanism,
but I've always had trust issues to begin with.
Which makes the disappointment doubly devastating.
Especially if the person in question already knew but still ends up letting me down.
I'm sure there are some better ones out there,
in fact i know of some,
but I'll just wait to see where it goes.
You see, I'm not in a hurry.
I don't need to be needed, don't need to be wanted.
I'm not like you and for that I am eternally grateful.
Unlike some poor bamboozled souls, my identity is not in earthly sociality.
On a lighter note, here's the picture from being squashed in the car on the night cycling day.
